On Fitness, To My Past Self

Author's note: this is going to be a personal piece and a very crude one at that. Please do not expect grammatical polishing. 

Hello Monil from 2018,

I am Monil from 2021 January. How are you doing? Certainly not well. Anyway, I've set aside this time to write about fitness in general. I know what you've been through, so I can help you with it. But I am struggling to find a starting point. This usually happens when you want to address the mentality rather than a process or a life hack.

Let me paint you a picture: you're well into your third semester, and it is Concours time. You see all the athletes on the field, and all you want to do for the three days is to be one of them - who wouldn't, right? They train hard, sometimes sacrifice lectures, and give in their 100% to the game. They bear through the opponent team's sledging - more so when not playing in home ground, and even though sometimes they don't win, they show up on the field for the next game. And then the next, and next, and so on until they graduate. And after that, they continue playing at some other place.

But somewhere inside your head, a voice tells you that you can't. Every single time you see someone play, you momentarily determine that next year you're going to play. But there you are - standing on the field telling others (but in reality to yourself) that you just don't do sports. You have convinced yourself that you don't "want" to make attempts. You hide the fact that every new year you start gymming in the hopes of transforming yourself but, then, the first in-semester comes, and then, you drop everything and don't pick it back up. And don't get me wrong, studying is very important. After all, I wouldn't have got into Amazon if it were not for the focused hard work you put in. But both of us know that the time you spend lurking on Reddit during exams, can clearly be put into just one run - maybe just to Reliance Chowkdi and back. It doesn't matter how short the run is. It is one run. And one is greater than zero.

But you know all this, and deep inside, you want it to change as well. But that damned voice. It doesn't matter where it comes from: maybe it comes from your family mentality that all that matters at the end is your career, and everything else can come later. However, you do know that this "later" that we're talking about will never arrive. It is going to be in-sem after in-sem until end-sem arrives. And then it would be something else. And then another in-sem, again. Then maybe it's performing in the job. Then it would be something else. Until you're dead. Ah, maybe then I'd finally have some time to do what I want to do.

B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.

You see, when you've been trying to convince yourself that you just can't, I've been making attempts. And let me clarify myself. I've not "transformed" into someone who runs 5K daily, does strength training, and never misses a day. Oh, I have missed a day - more than a day. Sometimes a month. But you know what's the difference? I. Keep. Coming. Back. I started gymming in January 2020, dropped it. Then I picked it back up in February end. It's Covid-19 lockdown, and you can't get out of the house? Picked up exercising in May. What? Dropped exercise again? For months this time? No problem. Now, I'm doing 5 push-ups a day for a week, then 7, and so on. But that didn't last long either. I tried Planking every day for about a month or so. Then the habit dropped. It's December, and now I'm going to run somewhat every morning on the terrace. Wait, I need to establish work-life boundaries? Let me go for a run in the evening. We're now in January 2021. I go for runs on the riverfront. Sometimes alone, sometimes with friends. I even make healthier choices: is the restaurant only 1 km away from the house? Let me walk back instead of taking the car, and then, let me take the stairs instead of taking the lift.

You see - none of these changes are major changes. But I make these little choices each day. And now, when I'm well into January 2021, I feel gloomy if I haven't gone for a run or even a little exercise. Actually, let me clarify myself: my "gloomy" is your "normal" mood. I want to feel happy, and I make decisions to do so. And I get that it is sometimes, things don't go your way, and you just want to sleep (and that is okay too :p). But most of the time that is not the case. Anyway now, I'm a guy who likes to get in some brisk walking, or if I'm feeling like it, a run. The thing is, it didn't take a lot for me to make these changes. Just one small step. Maybe you can go till the start of your society and come back. It will only take 5 minutes. But it would be something. And that "something" is always more than zero. Studying is not the only thing where non-zero days [1]. You can apply it otherwise too.

The thing is that you have a lot of opportunities to make such choices. Every time you want to go to Infocity or Reliance Chowkdi, you could have chosen to walk instead of driving there. But I am just a guy who's talking to a picture. A picture in the past that shows me how different I am. Actually, there's a better comparison and so let me do it again: But I am just a guy who's looking back at the starting line. A starting line that shows me how many steps I have walked. Maybe it's just a step, but it is a step more than zero steps.

Love,

Monil.